This is a more serious post than those I usually share, but I suppose that comes with the territory of labelling yourself as honest/a real human being…right? SO HERE IT GOES. VULNERABILITY YAY 😀
The past week was a rough one for me. Hormones running wild, motivation at a low point, positive thinking a rare occurrence, interest in doing anything nonexistent. I was down & out of ways to get back up.
[Obviously this is a much deeper issue than one blog post can possibly cover- but this is my best effort to talk about it based on my own experience..]
Not a single thing about me seemed to be good enough.
No workout was satisfactory. No outfit I put on could make me feel comfortable in my own skin. No amount of coffee could keep me alert. No ‘victory’ could stop me from feeling like a loser. No promise of making a positive impact was enough to make me look forward to getting out of bed.
A few fleeting moments of happiness & self love came throughout the week. But they weren’t enough. Nothing was enough.
All of the advice & practices for wisdom I share with everyone else were just not helping. Or, if I’m being honest, I just didn’t want to put in the effort.
I was convinced I wasn’t worth the effort to be happy with myself.
I was convinced I didn’t deserve to love who I am.
I was convinced all of the progress I’ve made was just not good enough.
I was convinced that the comparisons I was making between myself & other people were important & worth the space in my brain.
I think we all experience these stretches of negativity & self sabotage fueled by a lull in self-love. Some of us have these experiences more than others. Some of us don’t acknowledge our feelings (me), & then when we do decide to process our feelings it becomes overwhelming & lasts a whole week. We all lose sight of our goals. We all fall out of love with ourselves. We all have bad days (or weeks, maybe even months).
But I think there’s a positive note behind these valleys of self-hate. Although they suck, & they drain you of your mental enegy, they can be a great opportunity to re-focus. When you come out on the other side of any internal struggle, your desire to fight for yourself is stronger. The goals you have for yourself become clearer when you leave the fog of feeling less than worthy. The love you have for yourself intensifies when you test it with your own negative thoughts.
After a long week, I know that I am good enough. I am worthy of my own love. I am strong. I am my own person, I make my own progress at my own pace, I have my own standards that may not satisfy other people’s standards, & that’s okay. Do I think I’m free & clear of all bad days & negative self-talk? Hell no!! A healthy relationship with yourself takes just as much work (if not more) than any other relationship. We have to put in effort to develop our own self love.
We all deserve a loving relationship with ourselves. We all deserve to be happy in our own skin.
You’re good enough. You’re worth positive mental space. Don’t forget it!! ❤
~peace & all good~