A Week of ‘Not Good Enough’

This is a more serious post than those I usually share, but I suppose that comes with the territory of labelling yourself as honest/a real human being…right? SO HERE IT GOES. VULNERABILITY YAY 😀

The past week was a rough one for me. Hormones running wild, motivation at a low point, positive thinking a rare occurrence, interest in doing anything nonexistent. I was down & out of ways to get back up.  

[Obviously this is a much deeper issue than one blog post can possibly cover- but this is my best effort to talk about it based on my own experience..]

Not a single thing about me seemed to be good enough. 

No workout was satisfactory. No outfit I put on could make me feel comfortable in my own skin. No amount of coffee could keep me alert. No ‘victory’ could stop me from feeling like a loser. No promise of making a positive impact was enough to make me look forward to getting out of bed. 

A few fleeting moments of happiness & self love came throughout the week. But they weren’t enough. Nothing was enough. 

All of the advice & practices for wisdom I share with everyone else were just not helping. Or, if I’m being honest, I just didn’t want to put in the effort. 

I was convinced I wasn’t worth the effort to be happy with myself. 

I was convinced I didn’t deserve to love who I am. 

I was convinced all of the progress I’ve made was just not good enough.

I was convinced that the comparisons I was making between myself & other people were important & worth the space in my brain. 

I think we all experience these stretches of negativity & self sabotage fueled by a lull in self-love. Some of us have these experiences more than others. Some of us don’t acknowledge our feelings (me), & then when we do decide to process our feelings it becomes overwhelming & lasts a whole week. We all lose sight of our goals. We all fall out of love with ourselves. We all have bad days (or weeks, maybe even months). 

But I think there’s a positive note behind these valleys of self-hate. Although they suck, & they drain you of your mental enegy, they can be a great opportunity to re-focus. When you come out on the other side of any internal struggle, your desire to fight for yourself is stronger. The goals you have for yourself become clearer when you leave the fog of feeling less than worthy. The love you have for yourself intensifies when you test it with your own negative thoughts. 

After a long week, I know that I am good enough. I am worthy of my own love. I am strong. I am my own person, I make my own progress at my own pace, I have my own standards that may not satisfy other people’s standards, & that’s okay. Do I think I’m free & clear of all bad days & negative self-talk? Hell no!! A healthy relationship with yourself takes just as much work (if not more) than any other relationship. We have to put in effort to develop our own self love.

We all deserve a loving relationship with ourselves. We all deserve to be happy in our own skin. 

You’re good enough. You’re worth positive mental space. Don’t forget it!! ❤

~peace & all good~

A Daily Reminder

We’re all busy people. It’s not unheard of for the day to go right by you & the next thing you know, it’s 9 pm & you can’t even remember if you drank water today. 

So here’s a reminder- a sort of checklist to go through with yourself randomly throughout the day:

  • have you eaten in the last 3 hrs?
  • have you drank any water in the last hr?
  • have you gotten up & moved around? stretched your arms out as wide as they can go?
  • have you taken a deep inhale?
  • have you let go of that inhale with an even deeper exhale?
  • have you looked outside?
  • have you thought something nice about yourself?

All of these seem like really simple things… But I’ve found its the simple things that get away from us. 

Take a few minutes to let go of everything, breath, & recollect yourself & your thoughts. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself! Today & everyday 🙂

It’s Okay to Ask for Help

A few days ago I decided to attempt to squat 205lbs… 

How is this relevant to asking for help? 

Well, I had just squatted a personal best of 195 the day before, along with a lengthy set of deadlifts. My body (especially the lower end) was tired. I’d never broken 200lbs before. But I thought I was ready. 

I did one slow, slightly painful rep. I got back up from under 205 lbs! 😀 

Of course that wasn’t enough…

I stepped up to the bar ready for round two. Stared at myself in the mirror for a while, contemplated if the song I chose was the right song, stared some more… 

I was going to do this. 

‘Not so fast there, pal!’ my brain screeched…. Ok, maybe I’m not going to do this. 

I was offered a spot & hestitantly accepted the offer. Before I even started to squat this person noticed a form issue I had (I wasn’t squaring off my feet) & pointed it out… I fixed my form according to the advice I was given & got myself ready to start (again).

I got all the way parallel, started to come back up, & before I got 3/4 of the way- I panicked. I felt myself inching back down…the opposite of where I needed to go.. So. I called on the help that was there to support me. It was kind of awkward & I felt like I had failed. 

Those negative feelings quickly went away once I realized how hilarious it was that I panicked even though I knew someone was right there to catch me. I didn’t fail. I tried something new; I reached a new one-rep max & I let someone help me when I tried to take it further.

That’s the point of accepting other people’s help- none of us can do everything on our own. We need the support of others at certain moments in our life. Whether that support comes in the weight room, at work, in the grocery store, when a crisis hits; whether it comes from a close friend, or from a complete stranger…it’s never a bad thing to embrace!

There is always going to be someone to help you. You never have to panic about impending doom or failure.

Enjoy the journey my friends. & remember to let a little help in from time to time 🙂

P.S.- I wrote this post at night while trying to sleep & it relieved a significant amount of anxiety that had built up in my mind/body. Not sure why.. Maybe it has something to do with allowing all of you to help me release my thoughts?? 

#YogisWhoLift

So it’s Monday night, 

I’m in bed because work in less than 8 hours,

& I’m deciding getting this post out of my brain & into the screen of my iPod is v important. 

#priorities (or bad decision-making, perspective is everything I guess)

This post is really important to me because it’s the result of what life’s been throwing at me recently. A while back I started practicing yoga via YouTube; admittedly, half the things I thought were yoga I have come to learn actually aren’t… So I was loosely practicing yoga. I started because I was going through things that made me question who I am. I mean really question who I am. I was losing faith in my core values that I had worked so hard to discover. I didn’t know how to disconnect from my anxiety. I was losing a battle to negativity, & I was losing pretty fast. I needed to do something. 

That something was yoga. 

Backpedal a few years & you’ve got the time when I started lifting weights. It was a similar situation, but my anxiety this time was coming from body image issuezzz. I was trying to learn how to be healthy & fit.. I decided to try a 4 week weight training program. I loved it, saw results, & have grown into my own style of lifting since then.. 

  
Yoga has literally changed every aspect of my life…I know it sounds cliche but it’s true. What I’m realising now is how much it’s impacted my lifting. There’s a lot to gain from a body-mind-soul approach to fitness.

Mental Strength: In my experience, exercise of any kind is more of a mental battle than a physical one. My body can ingest some food or caffeine & be easily tricked into feeling ready for my workout. My mind, however, takes more effort. Practicing yoga has srsly transformed the way my brain thinks about me. I don’t have as hard of a time getting through self-doubt, or convincing myself that I am worth that hour and a half in the weight room, or that it’s okay if I’m not lifting as much weight as other people. I’m totally cool with feeling awkward at the gym, & that feels like a really big accomplishment.

Knowing My Limits: No ego lifting! I am able to recognise when I’ve done enough. I can feel in my body & mind when I shouldn’t go further. Being in touch with my body has allowed me to get to this point. Yea I’ll try something & fail with flying colors, but I’m not trying something I know I cannot do with the fullest effort. If I’m not there, I’m not there- simple as that.

  
Form: Along with being connected to my body, yoga has helped me stay in touch with what feels right & what doesn’t. This has helped immensely with form! I don’t overthink my body positioning because I know I’ll feel it if I’m doing something wrong. Increased flexibility from practicing yoga has also improved my range of motion…aka more effective lifting & less chance of injury 🙂

Breathing: Breath is 100% connected to form. Yoga has taught me how to control my breath. Knowing how to control my breath helps me bring more oxygen to my muscles. More oxygen means more endurance…..& more blood flow for a sweet pump. ~swole~

Appreciation: I would vote that this as the most powerful benefit I’ve experienced from my yoga practice. I don’t measure progress by how I look anymore… If I can do a single extra rep I feel accomplished. If I work through my own self doubt, I feel accomplished. If I try to lift a new weight but fail, I know there was a time when I couldn’t even do the basic lift itself. I enjoy the smaller steps in my journey. I’m way less critical of myself. I don’t obsess over skipping a day at the gym, because I recognise the importance of taking care of my body.  I’m thankful for myself & all that I’ve been through.

So there ya have it- my personal experience as what appears to be two conflicting identities. Before my own journey I never really pictured lifting weights to have any connection to yoga. Zen meatheads? Um…..???? But as it turns out, the health of your body & mind are extremely connected. The love my yoga practice has shown to my physical exercise is the most clear example of this connection. 

I hope yall enjoyed this little exploration of my journey to mind-body-soul health!!

~peace & all good~

Runnin Thru the Gram With My Woes

*You know how that shit goes*

Social media… I use it, like we all do, but it doesn’t really add much to my life. Instagram, however, seems to be the source of all evil (I know that’s harsh, it’s for added drama). 

How many times a day do I scroll through my feed of pictures & think: 

  • ugh, why am I not making progress like that? MUSCLES WHERE R U ???!1!11?
  • I wish I had cute gym clothes 😦
  • LOL he/she looks like a human after working out, pretty sure I usually look like a cave troll
  • man I’m hungry…that looks delicious
  • haha my abs will never exist 
  • y do I work a full time job? I should just get paid to workout all day..
  • wow y am I poor I need more supplements !?!!11! 😦 😦
  • Y AM I SO UGLY UGH PLZ HELP BASED GOD

…. Many a time. It’s a bad habit I’ve developed recently that I’m trying to get rid of.  Why do I care what someone else wears while working out? I’m sure my next meal will also be delicious. I’m making progress, just in my own way!

There’s been a lot of talk about how social media is bad for self confidence/living successfully in reality. Internet stars are coming out & giving the truth behind Internet fame; the rotten things people say, the work that goes into maintaining their image, the way it provides a false picture of what life really is. All of this is relevant. It’s also relevant to think about how much time out of our day we take to compare ourselves to people on a damn screen. & the fact that kids are growing up with these ideas about health & what ‘fit’ looks like, but no one understands the toll it can truly take.. 

If someone feels badly about themselves, their feelings are valid. If someone feels inadequate because they just spent 2 hrs scrolling through pics of people with professional makeup/clothes/photo crews (who don’t mention these professionals in their posts), their feelings are valid. If someone is sick of comparing themselves to others & boycotts social media, you guessed it- VALID FEELINGS. Being bombarded with images of perfection creates a lot of confusion in our brains.. 

Maybe you don’t even exercise, but you follow fitness accounts anyway in hopes you’ll become motivated to start exercising. In reality, the posts from these accounts probably just make you sad because you just don’t want to exercise. It’s okay if you don’t like to workout! Stop trying to convince yourself that you do via social media envy. You’re choosing to reinforce an image of what you wish you were- instead of being happy with the person you actually are.

We all have some level of demons/negative self-talk that happens regardless of these Gram woes.  But it’s important to pay attention to how these images influence the way you think about yourself. When I see a fitness model who looks flawless after a workout I sort of resent the fact that I will never look that good in the gym….ever….because I don’t have a group of people whose job is to make me look great….

Not in a million years will I have a so-called “perfect” body. 

I might never eat clean for a consistent period of time. 

I don’t think I see myself working out in a sports bra anytime soon (never happening). 

I will always eat carbs.

If I ever have abs it will be a miracle. 

I know all of these things, & I’m completely content with that knowledge 98.9% of the time. But that 1.1% feels a lot bigger when I’m looking through Instagram…shiit

So the moral of the story: Remind yourself of what reality is like. Go out & realize that the average person isn’t perfect- even if they appear to be. Most people have rolls when they sit…even if they workout regularly. I can speak for myself & say that I do not look attractive when I work out, nor do all of my gym outfits match/smell pleasant.. 

It’s all good! Our flaws make us who we are!! Everyone has things they want to work on, but that’s why we’re all human.

Here’s a guided meditation for shutting down negative energy. Embrace the funk 🙂

~peace & all good~

Overheard at Work

Oh wow your hair looks so bad! That’s not like you…it’s usually so nice & styled! 

…. Well, I expect you’ll look better next time. 

– woman, to her ‘friend’

Ummmmmmm………. THE WOMANS HAIR LOOKED GREAT SO IDK WHAT HER FRIEND WAS TALKING ABOUT!!1!1!!

People can be so mean. This wasn’t even a big deal but it made me stop & think (pretty much anything can do that). Why do we criticize eachother so much? What did that woman gain from telling her own friend that her hair looks terrible?? I mean really…how fantastic did she expect her friend’s hair to look on her way out of the gym?! I don’t know..but it’s an interesting thing to ponder. 

Next time you hear people (or even yourself) talking, try to pay attention to what they’re saying. We’d probably be surprised at how often people rattle off comments like the one I overheard. & they probably do it without thinking about their words. On the other hand, there’s most likely a large amount of people who also say nice things without conciously doing so. Everything is multi-faceted, humans included. 

It’s also interesting to consider the standards we hold eachother to. This woman executed her friend to always look her best- even when she’s at the gym….a place typically not associated with people’s best appearances.. 

Does this stem from the standards we feel we can’t meet ourselves? Or is it because we hold our friends to high standards? Is it something totally different? Do we say mean things because we’re food-deprived? Do we need a drink to shut the mean voices up? Am I asking pointless/irrelavant questions? Is this whole post just a product of my overthinking? (yes, it is)

ANYWAYS….

We should all strive to be aware of what we’re saying. Always make an effort to infuse some kindness/positivity into your words! 

~peace & all good~

Being Human & the Inconsistencies That Follow

*Sunflower picture is irrelevant but I took it & liked it so there it is..*

As far as I know, everyone reading this is a human being.. & we all understand what being human means (for the most part). It means that everyday you wake up is different from the last. Your feelings may be inconsistent from day to day, your mindset, motivation, energy level, ability to perform various tasks…all changing on a pretty regular basis.

Today was one of those days where I really felt the inconsistent nature of being human.

I woke up feeling pretty good. I’ve been sore for the past few days because I’ve switched up my workout routine, but today I wasn’t too sore. After breakfast I played around with some head stands (upside down is my favourite place to be), stretched out, & drank some mate.


Head stands were on point & I was ready to take on my workout after a day of rest yesterday.

About a week ago (ha) I was able to reach a new weight while squatting.

I love squatting… I do it every time I go to the gym & lift. But because it’s something I do so regularly, the fluctuation of my daily mental/physical abilities really shines through. Today, my form was slacking & I was struggling to move the weight I usually use to warm up.

When I got home from the gym, I was hungry… (duh). I made a salad with:

  • spinach
  • seasoned black beans
  • yellow pepper
  • goat cheese
  • multi-grain chips

  It was as delicious as it looks! It was super quick to make & even quicker to eat 🙂
However, before the salad came a poptart…. Pumpkin pie flavor to be exact. I wouldn’t recommend it. But I ate it anyway.

So far, my day has been the epitome of the ups & downs that come with being a human. It’s frustrating to experience the downs, but the way our bodies & minds are set up allows us to roll with whatever comes our way. It is more than okay & perfectly normal to not be on your A-game everyday. That’s what makes us human!!

For me, I had a frustrating lifting session that wasn’t up to my normal standards & ate a snack I wouldn’t normally subject my body to. However, I also had great balance & focus in my yoga practice & made a healthy salad. This whole journey is full of learning opportunities that I think are really important to take advantage of.

If your day has you feeling down, just know that things will be up again- probably sooner than you think 🙂

~peace & all good~